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It's That Time Of Year Again!

Disclaimer: This post is basically The Chatner fanfic.

It's That Time Of Year Again! The time of year to Apply Healing Salves. 

Anoint yourself with oils & pastes. So many different salves, all in tubes. Different tubes for lips, face, other part of face that is not lips, hands, rest of body, tattooed parts of body, maybe hair, definitely parts of body from which hair has been removed. 

Each paste is different because different parts of body have different skin needing different pastes, according to Little Sister Who Knows About Skincare and Convenience Store Aisle and Friends Who Know About Skincare and Social Media Content. Some tubes are same sizes, some tubes are different sizes, many tubes with similar colors and logos. Don't mix up the tubes!! Keep tubes organized for putting each specific paste on corresponding skin at correct approximate time of day. Additional tubes every year because body ages and dries out more. 

Too tired to apply salve? Tomorrow morning, you are coated in scales. Scales may be visible, invisible, visible but only to you, or perceptible only through feel of body. Can't reach parts of body? Those body parts are scales now until Weather Warm or Boyfriend Acquired.

Remember Opposite Time of Year? There were only two salves: first for stopping sunburn, second for stopping pain of sunburn after you forgot about the first one. Then, choice was between Grease Person or Lobster Person (pain). Now, choice is between Grease Person or Scales Person (itchy). Now there are so many more salves, only one for shielding from sun. Only face skin is afraid of sun, now, because there is less of sun and more of clothing. Remainder of body is afraid of cold and dry. The wind is harsh and you need oils and pastes. It’s that time of year!

Comments

  1. UnknownDecember 21, 2021 at 3:30 PM

    It's so true. I was a cishet man incapable of tubes. I am now Big Lizard Person. *Flicks Tongue*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HannahDecember 21, 2021 at 5:14 PM

      Learn to apply Oils and Salves! You will have skin again!

      Delete

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